[bctt tweet=”Either you grab the oars, or you grab the waves. “]
As I train myself to look in, and not out, I get more and more aware of my personal flaws. It starts to hurt. Self awareness is a painful process.
It feels like going through a jungle. I can’t see too much ahead. I feel sweaty and sticky, and with each step comes a personal challenge. Each challenge I take adds to my confidence, but with each step comes another challenge that can wipe all that confidence away and replace it with a lesson.
I forge ahead though, because with each challenge, good and bad, comes better skill. I get to “see” the world a little better. I get to hone a point of view. With each metaphysical cut and bruise I become a little more different from the rest.
I came across two ideas this week that dashed my confidence, but left me lessons that make me cherish the bruises they left on my ego.
Taking ownership is difficult, and I know when it’s happening when I get slapped with a fresh dose of fear. I looked at ownership as taking responsibility of a process or thing. This is true, but the next step of ownership is taking responsibility for the fear that ownership can create. The fear is subtle, and effects the staff and people around you differently.
My reaction to fear is to put my head in the sand, look at my cell phone, and wonder where my support is. I usually don’t recognize it as fear, until I look at the job ahead of me. Ownership is recognizing that fear and being proactive in developing strategies to mitigate it. Mitigate is important to me here, because I recognize that you cannot get rid of fear.
[bctt tweet=”Each challenge adds to my confidence, but another challenge can wipe all that confidence away and replace it with a lesson.”]
The army has a saying – that no plan survives contact with the enemy. Until recently, I used to take that to mean when things happen, be aware and create on the fly. This is true, adapt and evolve. But what I am now seeing that to mean is that when you face something real, the real “enemy” your plans can fly out the window. Contact with the real issues in our lives leads us to change. The routine has to adapt and evolve.
As a struggling perfectionist, recognizing this is scary, but as someone trying to get closer to self-awareness, this is invigorating.
Each day is a fresh day to develop and learn. When we get closer to the pain and our plans change, it changes into growth if we have the right attitude. Nothing that is worth gaining comes without some disruption to the system.
Either you grab the oars, or you grab the waves.
[bctt tweet=”With each challenge, good and bad, comes better skill. I get to “see” the world a little better.”]