Have to keep the X. Even when Sick.
Coughing sneezing and my throat is seizing up quite nicely.
On top of that, I had an audition yesterday, which i tanked – more or less because my stage presence wasn’t there.
The booker said my writing was fine – I just had my hands in my pockets and couldn’t keep my head up. These are things i stopped doing months ago – but through my cold, I fell back on old habits because they felt safe.
This resulted in my failure.
Failure has been a boon to my depression. It has been waiting for an opportunity to rear its head.
Even so, as I wake up now, home from work, I just breathe. I want to work with it. Use it as fuel to keep me pushing.
I see this as an opportunity to live and let die. Failure is just be feedback.
And I bet I never put my hands in my pockets again.
*Our darkest moments can make way to our mightiest success. *
The darkness of depression isn’t to by toyed with.
I doubt we can fight it either.
It is a part of us, whether we want to deal with it or not. It comes with us through the good, shows itself during the bad, and then spirals us through the ugly.
We push it out of the circles of ourselves. Knock it to the side. Through this it seems to get stronger.
It fights because we try to vanquish it like it is our foe – when we should treat it like each of our other emotions.
Try to be understanding.
Internally, self promotion feels like a scam.
Our self esteem comes into play for this. Self Impostor syndrom seems to run rampant.
How do they think I am ______ don’t they know I am only me?
We then look at others that are at our level – or around us and see them doing it. We take the impostor syndrome and use that inward anger outward.
”________ is such a phony – always on Facebook and Twitter acting like they are successful”
The problem is that with that you cast away your own successes. No one is going to treat you like a professional if you don’t treat your self like one.
In short – “keeping it real” is a great way to keep yourself in a cubicle.
Freedom isn’t free.
Go ahead, its alright, just go have fun.
The older we get, the more we try to squeeze out the fun of our lives.
In public, we look around, and burrow our brows when we see older people enjoying themselves out of context.
Yet, in the same breath, we look at kids doing the same and say…how we miss those times.
They don’t have to go away – in fact, you don’t even need to find them.
Fun happens everywhere, as long as you accept it.
The question is, are you going to accept it?
Do you want to have fun?