I was late again today.
I have to really control my lateness. I think once that is handled, a lot of my other habits will fall into line. Like today, because I was late, I ended up catching a late train, that broke down, that made me even more late.
I recently had my start time at work pushed back, which works for em, but I still find myself late. I need to find some sort of hook to bring this habit under control. Pushing the time late didn’t wuite help, so I have to find something here.
Before I really put any focus on that, I still didn’t do my todo list today. That fear is really gripping me. I hope by writing about it, I can get it out into the world and just do like my other habits, but it is something I will have to just do to make it work.
There was a list of habits I wanted to start up with I wrote maybe a few weeks ago.
1) Exercise 2)Creating a Post in this Journal.. 3)Thanking someone via Social Media/Text/E-Mail 4)Meditation 5)Eating Breakfast.*
I haven’t really gotten started on this, other than the journal thing, something that I am getting into every day and it excites me( its why the posts are getting longer). I suppose I should take that into the win column to push me further – but sometimes it is really hard for me to do that.
I also put down hopping into the shower first thing on the weekends – which has been working. There has only been 4 days to do this but it has gone well so far.
With that said, I have revised the list because breakfast is out (with the 16/8 thing I prefer to start at around lunch time) and the post a day is about half way ingrained ( habit locks in about 45 days, I am close to 20 now). There are some more things than need to be added
2) Thanking Someone via Social Media/Text/Email/Phone Call
4) To Do Lists
5) Getting up 2 hours before I need to leave the house.
The last one would help with the late thing – To get to work on time, I need to leave at about 9 (for example I woke up at 9) and would allow me to do some more of my morning habit stuff at home.
I think that will get me going.
I talked about my depression yesterday with my therapist. It still haunts me, and even though as a whole, days are better – it still pops up.
It has been a struggle accepting the depression as a part of me. I wrote about it, and I felt triumphant getting it down into paper, but the part that has been most difficult has been the application.
Today I felt the depression creeping up as I got to work, and it was almost full blown by the time I sat down in my seat and started to work. A phone call from a mentor did’t quite help, and even after a phone call and some work being done, there is still a lingering feeling that floats on top of me.
Everything that has been said has been amplified, and everything positive I have done has been let go. I have fallen into a self defeatist attitude. I even had thoughts of just suddenly quitting and using some poster I saw earlier as the reason I did it from Farnam Street. (http://www.farnamstreetblog.com/2013/04/11-ways-to-be-remarkably-average/?utm_source=feedly&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+68131+(Farnam+Street))
Remembering the empty boats thing has helped. I really am glad I read that post from Zen Habits (http://zenhabits.net/are-we-there-yet/)
It is a process, and a tough one. I’ll get there one day though.