Self-Discipline and Self-Awareness

My inner voice is screaming.

This morning, I wanted to avoid this blog.

A sense of rebellion, a chance to run away from myself to spite me.

In a way, it functions as a reminder of how your internal dialogue is irrational.

It isn’t necessarily wrong.  That alarm exists for a reason. This self-rebellion is the result of something being “off.”

Self-discipline is knowing how to avoid your inner voice to finish things that need doing after that initial alarm. 

Self-awareness is taking that inner-voice seriously enough to sit down and continue the “conversation” after the alarm.

Don’t run from the next step.

 

 

Wow, Self Compassion

The idea of self compassion is simple. Just love yourself. That’s it.

It was a hard concept for me to grasp at first. I recognized my first attempt to dismiss this concept was that I thought that by loving yourself, you fall into the idea of “loving your flaws and all.” I really hate that saying, I firmly believe that we can become better people.

I took a walk to think about it soon realizing that love isn’t a recipe to just accept and ignore. When you love your wife/husband/child you don’t look at them for just the good. You also see the bad. And then you also see the ability for them to overcome that very same bad that you see.

Self esteem got most of the focus when I was a child. People worry about self-esteem.  I am a part of the millennial generation, and I remember some of my childhood being really effected by it.It was a big deal. Every guidance counselor and teacher was aware of it, and they wanted to make sure that we all had it. By the end of my time in school, I was well aware of everything going on with the term, and realized it really had no effect on me. Those words seemed hollow, with no real action attached. I always knew I just had a problem with my own, and that was it.

“It’s no big deal”

I recently had something get into a great publication. I said it was no big deal in a conversation when I got the thanks. I completely dismissed what I accomplished. No one else had to take a shot at me, I was more than ready to do so with my esteem gun. It was in a world of pure feeling and I didn’t feel like I belonged. My problem with self esteem appeared again out of no where.

It was weird. Why did I completely dismiss my work? Why would I make it a point to breathe life into my despair? I then remembered something I read this weekend on self compassion.  And it soon became clear  I spent my energy on the wrong thing during childhood.

Self compassion needs focus I think about what I do and feel uncomfortable doing it. Being mindful of that is the first step. It builds from there. I recognize that the shakiness isn’t started with what I am doing. It starts in me, with my foundation as a person. So I have to take the energy to love myself.  Love is work, but it is something I can put thought into.